AgapeLady’s Blog

March 6, 2010

Any Day is Good for Love

I’ve heard news of several suicides recently, and my heart aches. I long for a day when I won’t hear of those who are in such emotional pain that they feel the need to end their lives. My heart aches because I’ve been there.

People who have never considered the idea of taking their own life do not conceive of the pain that drives a person to such negative thoughts. What could be worse than no life at all?! For those in emotional pain, it’s not so much that they don’t want to LIVE (indeed, I believe they do – they just seek a painless kind of living) as that they want the pain to stop. For some, cutting is intended to “drown” that pain, i.e., as they cut their wrists, they hope the physical pain of that can make them escape the emotional pain they’re experiencing.

That’s one of the things that keeps me going each day – the thought that there was a time when I felt that kind of pain, that kind of loneliness… and the knowledge of what carried me through that… and continues to carry me through.

Back in my college days, I actually attempted suicide. Thank God, I did not succeed! It was then that my Great Redeemer drew me to Him and began to give me the knowledge of HIS great love for me. But, even then, dear ones – the thoughts of suicide were not entirely gone.

I know some who are Christians will gasp in unbelief – how could I? Well, the truth is that when one is experiencing such loneliness and emotional pain, they are experiencing a kind of insanity. What causes such emotional pain and loneliness?

I think, deep down, we all long to be loved – completely and unconditionally. When we FEEL love (ah, yes, those questioning emotions), then the emotional pains and struggles of life are a little easier to handle. Even as a Christian, though I had read and heard that God loved me so much that He sent His one and only son – Jesus – to die for my sins (John 3:16), I did not – at first – truly comprehend and grasp the knowledge of that love.

You know what I mean… getting that knowledge the few inches from my head to my HEART. What a distance that can be at times!

After studying God’s Word and beginning to understand that true unconditional love – agape – the kind that sends a son to die for another – is an ACTION, not a FEELING. As I began to understand that, I began to also understand that God’s agape was not dependent in the least upon how I was feeling or what I had done. Instead, it simply IS. In other words, I can never do any more – or less – for God’s love. He just loves me – totally and completely, unconditionally.

I can’t say for sure when that head knowledge became heart knowledge – or even if I completely “get it” today. But one thing I know – when things get dark, I know today that the God of the Universe loves me… and He has everything I’m going through under His control. NOTHING escapes Him. And He has never forgotten me. In fact, my name is written in the palm of His hand. He bears its scars. That heart knowledge, dear ones, is what keeps me from considering suicide anymore. That knowledge combats the emotional pain – by holding me and comforting me when the pain otherwise envelops me. And let’s face it: Life can be hard.

So what can we do for those who DON’T know that love? My goal is to show it as much as I possibly can… as God enables me. I pray that I will be able to reach those who are so hurt by Life’s struggles and pains and that they will come to know the One who is able to completely heal with His love. THAT IS MY MISSION AND MY PASSION. Lord willing, by reaching one at a time with His Agape on any given day, there will be no more occasion for suicide. I know – one day – there will be no pain or sorrow (Rev. 21:4). Will you join me?

If  you are one who is thinking sad thoughts of suicide – I pray with all my heart that my ache for YOU will touch you through the Internet… contact me via this site, dear one. I WILL respond – I love you and want to introduce you to my GREAT LOVER, Jesus Christ. Trust me, He CAN make the difference in your life, just as He did for me.

May God grant you with the heart knowledge of His love,



October 2, 2009

Where DOES the Time Go?

Well, I admit to being in a state of information overload. I have had a zillion things to do – or at least it seems that way – and I have been struggling with tyranny of the urgent of late. (If you’ve not read that book, you ought to – it’s got some gems to ponder, let me tell you!)

Anyway, this morning I heard something on the radio that gave me pause… about the “old days” – things just seemed to take a little longer. And that made me wonder: If we live in an age where everything seems so instantaneous – fast food, instant messaging, microwaves, etc. – then why is it that we seem to have less time? What happened to long walks and long talks “just because.”

As I considered this, I happened to think that all of the fast pace really hasn’t helped us that much. Consider the heart attacks, the stress levels, the information overload… what are we in such an all-fired hurry for anyway?!

I’ve neglected doing many of the things lately that have to do with technology and social media. I’ve not kept up with all of my email (at least the ones that are not personal), twitter, facebook, myspace, etc. I have let them go by the wayside. And yes – I’ve even let this blog go. But the reason I’ve done that is because I’m trying to juggle so many of the “quick” items that seem to fill my time! Oh, don’t get me wrong – it’s not that I don’t enjoy writing this blog… or communicating with some of you who have commented on this site. (I appreciate your comments by the way). I DO enjoy writing. But I spend my days working a full-time job, running errands, trying to start my own biz at home and building relationships. Therein lies the problem, methinks. Those things are all important and time-consuming… building relationships is probably the most important one for me of all.
I read this quote by John Burroughs yesterday: “I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” Boy, can I relate! And all those so-called “urgent” items can eat up my time so quickly.

So, let me ask you – how do YOU make the choices in your day? Do you make wise ones as you seek to go through the day and accomplish everything on your “to do” list? What’s most important to you? For me, I think that my personal relationships are far more important to me than anything else but… so many “urgent” items eat my time. We all have the same hours in the day. Certainly, time management is one key factor in keeping our sanity midst the fast-paced demands of this century, but I think there’s a little more to it.

As I think and pray on this issue, I think that I have to keep my priorities in focus. And let some of those seemingly “urgent” items go by the wayside.

Ephesians 5:15 tells me to be careful how I walk – not as someone who is unwise, but someone who is wise. That is, living with a sense of meaning and purpose. And Colossians 4:5 tells me to “Walk in wisdom toward them who are without, redeeming the time.” My understanding of that is that I need to treat those outside the faith with wisdom… making good use of my time with them. For me, that means building relationships because for many, I have to earn the “right” to share my faith. Hmmm… thoughts to ponder.

As we consider the day and the many demands on our time, perhaps the best questions to ask might be: “Is this activity something of meaning? Does it bring me closer to living my purpose for God?” If it is, then it’s something worth doing, something that is “redeeming the time.” But if not, maybe it’s better left undone. Just a thought, dear ones.

I’m praying for you as you read this… may you draw one step closer to whatever God is leading you to do as a result of reading my heart’s ponderings.

Love & blessings,

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