AgapeLady’s Blog

March 6, 2010

Any Day is Good for Love

I’ve heard news of several suicides recently, and my heart aches. I long for a day when I won’t hear of those who are in such emotional pain that they feel the need to end their lives. My heart aches because I’ve been there.

People who have never considered the idea of taking their own life do not conceive of the pain that drives a person to such negative thoughts. What could be worse than no life at all?! For those in emotional pain, it’s not so much that they don’t want to LIVE (indeed, I believe they do – they just seek a painless kind of living) as that they want the pain to stop. For some, cutting is intended to “drown” that pain, i.e., as they cut their wrists, they hope the physical pain of that can make them escape the emotional pain they’re experiencing.

That’s one of the things that keeps me going each day – the thought that there was a time when I felt that kind of pain, that kind of loneliness… and the knowledge of what carried me through that… and continues to carry me through.

Back in my college days, I actually attempted suicide. Thank God, I did not succeed! It was then that my Great Redeemer drew me to Him and began to give me the knowledge of HIS great love for me. But, even then, dear ones – the thoughts of suicide were not entirely gone.

I know some who are Christians will gasp in unbelief – how could I? Well, the truth is that when one is experiencing such loneliness and emotional pain, they are experiencing a kind of insanity. What causes such emotional pain and loneliness?

I think, deep down, we all long to be loved – completely and unconditionally. When we FEEL love (ah, yes, those questioning emotions), then the emotional pains and struggles of life are a little easier to handle. Even as a Christian, though I had read and heard that God loved me so much that He sent His one and only son – Jesus – to die for my sins (John 3:16), I did not – at first – truly comprehend and grasp the knowledge of that love.

You know what I mean… getting that knowledge the few inches from my head to my HEART. What a distance that can be at times!

After studying God’s Word and beginning to understand that true unconditional love – agape – the kind that sends a son to die for another – is an ACTION, not a FEELING. As I began to understand that, I began to also understand that God’s agape was not dependent in the least upon how I was feeling or what I had done. Instead, it simply IS. In other words, I can never do any more – or less – for God’s love. He just loves me – totally and completely, unconditionally.

I can’t say for sure when that head knowledge became heart knowledge – or even if I completely “get it” today. But one thing I know – when things get dark, I know today that the God of the Universe loves me… and He has everything I’m going through under His control. NOTHING escapes Him. And He has never forgotten me. In fact, my name is written in the palm of His hand. He bears its scars. That heart knowledge, dear ones, is what keeps me from considering suicide anymore. That knowledge combats the emotional pain – by holding me and comforting me when the pain otherwise envelops me. And let’s face it: Life can be hard.

So what can we do for those who DON’T know that love? My goal is to show it as much as I possibly can… as God enables me. I pray that I will be able to reach those who are so hurt by Life’s struggles and pains and that they will come to know the One who is able to completely heal with His love. THAT IS MY MISSION AND MY PASSION. Lord willing, by reaching one at a time with His Agape on any given day, there will be no more occasion for suicide. I know – one day – there will be no pain or sorrow (Rev. 21:4). Will you join me?

If  you are one who is thinking sad thoughts of suicide – I pray with all my heart that my ache for YOU will touch you through the Internet… contact me via this site, dear one. I WILL respond – I love you and want to introduce you to my GREAT LOVER, Jesus Christ. Trust me, He CAN make the difference in your life, just as He did for me.

May God grant you with the heart knowledge of His love,

AgapeLady

July 11, 2009

Restin’ in His Arms

Filed under: Encouragement,God's Love,Healing,Health,Religion — agapelady @ 12:56 AM

Today is a peaceful day… quiet, overcast, and just a wee bit rainy. But that’s okay. I’m taking deep breaths after several weeks of nonstop craziness at work and home. Feels good just to take a day for myself. Greedy? Not in the least. It’s called recuperation and rejuvenation.

My husband and I went away for the weekend to Branson, Missouri. Always love it there. We spent a lot of time just talking and listening to music on the way down to our condo. When we got there, one of the first things I did was to jump in the jacuzzi, turn on some music and close my eyes. Ahhh, relaxation.

As I sat in that jacuzzi, I felt some of my muscles relax and I thought, “I need this. I need to do more of this and to just kick back more.” And so that’s my goal.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Seriously. I have been going full force for too long and my body (and mind) has begun to give out. It’s time to change something. What’s that phrase: “If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.” Well, God’s been showing me that something has to change. So… it’s time to get back to discovering some new things about me.

I’ve decided to take the weekend off. Time for me. Time to relax and really spend time with God – restin’ in His arms and seekin His direction on the next steps to take. I have NO doubt He will show me the best actions to take. Stay tuned – maybe some of what He’s showing me will work for you. After all, if you’re feeling tired, burned out and just plain overwhelmed, then it might be time for you to rest in Him too. Most likely, you need a “me break” as well. It’s time. Go ahead – give yourself permission and REST.

With much love & many blessings,

AgapeLady

April 14, 2009

In the Refinery

Filed under: Encouragement,God's Love,Great Physician,Healing,Health,Love,Religion — agapelady @ 2:31 AM

Hi, dear ones! I know many of my blog and Twitter friends have been wondering where I am. Well, I’m in the refinery. What does that mean? I’m definitely being tested!

Zechariah 13:9 says, “I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’ ” AMEN! And a wonderful quote by Charles Spurgeon adds to the picture, “The refiner is never very far from the mouth of the furnace when his gold is in the fire.”

I love that. I may be in the refinery, but I know the One who loves me most is close by, watching every bit of refining that is taking place. He won’t let the fire burn too hotly, and He will make sure that nothing is burned away that should remain. Praise God!

I’ve been in the refinery. The last several years have been crazy for me. A lot of loss, and God has been showing me that it’s time to deal with it. Feel it to heal it, so to speak. In other words, no more stuffing of emotions! It’s time to look at them and to understand them better. So I guess – even as I’m in the refinery – I’m also in the process of healing as the impurities fall away… and that, dear friends, is a very GOOD thing! 🙂

In the past several years, I’ve experienced empty nest (both my sons), a new marriage (a good stressor, but involves major changes nonetheless), a new puppy (another good thing, but she’s been like another child!), new home business (Mary Kay and considering an Internet biz), changes at work (too numerous to mention), loss of both parents within six months of one another and menopause. Bring on the prozac! Just kidding… sorta. LOL!

Anyway, the emotions have been raw and feelings of overwhelm have bubbled over.  But I believe 2009 is my year for healing. Don’t get me wrong – that doesn’t mean that I won’t FEEL any of those things anymore. It just means I’m taking a much closer look at each of them this year. I’m focusing on ME and getting on track. I’m exercising, eating better, seeking a stronger female support network and taking the steps I feel are needed to FOCUS. I believe all of that will follow my doing one thing: Seeking God FIRST. With my eyes firmly planted on Jesus, I am certain that the refining process will be less painful and will produce the “gold” that is intended. When it’s all done, I am sure I will have a wonderful new story to tell!

In the meantime, I hope you’ll have patience with my blogging. I long to share all that God is doing and trust me – in His timing – I will.

With Much Love & Blessings,

AgapeLady

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